Moving On.

I have recently decided not to renew my registration for my civilian career.

Just like many other professions, my qualification requires me to maintain a certain number of hours of professional development annually in order to be registered under the registering board.

Up until a few days ago I had a full intention of retaining the qualification, and was studying to meet the required hours. Then, I started getting quite flustered and annoyed by my own obsession to preserve something that brings no joy, excitement or fulfilment to my life any more.

I asked myself -

“Why the fuck am I doing this?” 

I have always been a firm believer that it is good to have options in life because you never know when your life is going to strip you naked and push you into the corner, leaving you in absolute despair. But imagine this; if I knew how to do Krav Maga, that bitchy life will look less scary to me. Options protect you from unforeseen circumstances and prepares you for the worst in life.

But has it ever occurred to you that the options in your life can also limit your capacity or potentials because you don’t need to think outside of the box? Like you know it will always be there for you, so you don’t feel the need to explore what other options are out there (better or worse).

I was just on my way to Officeworks to print out a document that the board requires me to fill out to ensure that I know what the hell I am doing. Out of the blue it stoke me that my situation strikingly resembles one of those long-awaited break-ups that you have been dragging on and on and on forever.

Being in my mid 20’s, of course I have been in relationships in the past, but I secretly prided in myself for not having been in one of those lacking and enduring relationships like many people around me seem to be in out of desperation, societal/family pressures and etc.

But then BAM! And WOW, that was a shocker. I actually had a dizzy spell in the middle of the street.

This new realisation got me think more deeply about what I am about to move on from. And tears started welling up in my eyes even to my own surprise. I felt sad and devastated by the fact that it is about time for me to let it go. Something that has shaped who I am and that has been the stepping stone of my life. I felt like I had not been appreciative enough for the opportunities it provided. I felt guilt and shame for my own ungratefulness. 

It was never just a job.

  • It was my second identity, and still is to my personal acquaintances.

  • It supplied me with financial affordability to be able to move out of a shared flat where I got unfairly accused of stealing clothes of a South American woman. FYI, that bitch had a hip size of Korean Demilitarised Zone and questionable fashion sense. 

  • It provided me with such empowerment that I could basically tell the sleazy Australian men to fuck off (with my broken English then -  tbh it would’ve been more like “no, shank you. I not won what you sad”. ) when they tried to allure me with more stable visa. Because I knew I would get that independently after attainting my degree.

  • It taught me to be resilient and persevere for my goals by exposing me to countless rejections from many employers who thought I wasn’t experienced enough, too young or  just for being a foreigner.

  • The patience it forced me to learn; it was a hard one and still is to this day.

  • It has taught me to be grounded and stay in touch with reality when I started losing it upon beginning my escorting journey.

  • It has given me a certain social status because it is a respected field (I think!); plus being an Asian woman with ESL background, people just presume I have above average intelligence as soon as I tell them what I do for work. It is awesome.

  • I have earned enormous respect and admiration from my family for having gained the qualification in a foreign country that I never even visited previously.

Despite everything it has done for me, I knew I had to let it go and move on. It has served very well in my life, but I don’t know exactly when; my passion and love for it started dwindling. The job eventually clouded the outlook on my life and made me feel quite trapped. 

It’s like the lacking, much invested relationship that you feel obligated to remain loyal to despite of its obvious influence in hindering your personal growth, happiness and fulfilment and in ever expanding void in your heart as a result.

It is an extremely difficult decision to make when you have invested in something for so long so much that has become your second identity and that tags alongside you wherever you go; but you suddenly find yourself not wanting it anymore.

It makes you feel selfish, unappreciative and frankly like a bitch. 

But I was certain about my deliberation and ready to make the cold call. Was I worried or feared about ever regretting to make that decision? Absolutely not. My heart just ached quite a lot.

Every day is another day where you have to make a decision for something that it may or may not direct your life to the paths you are aiming. One thing I know for sure is that I don’t want to live my life doing something that I find no joy. Joy, not in hedonistic sense that I urge to feed the rapidly dissipating pleasure with yet another stronger pleasure; but in knowing that I am living my life as best as I can, not waiting the day to go by.

Rejections don’t hurt me. Challenges don’t scare me. But the thought of living a life where I feel as though I am compromising my life for transient causes terrifies me.

On the night I signed the document, I had one of the best and longest sleeps I had in months.

I honestly feel so freed and in control of my own life.

And I am so thrilled to start something new from the bottom. And no, not your bottom! Xxx

Thanks for reading.

Who is this Jessi?

I had been thinking about what my first post should be or look like for some time. Then, I decided perhaps I should provide you with some insights about me a little. I choose not to talk about anything personal on social media as I am a private person, and don't quite see the point of sharing too much information with randoms. But I have recently realised that I have a number of silent followers consisting of my current and potential lovers, and it has kind of made me want to share a little more than I initially thought.

As you may know, I have been in and out of the industry over a number of years under different working names. This is not because I am a seasonal escort or my business was in need of re-branding. It would have been much easier for my clients or even for myself if I operated under the same name over the years, but I still picked different names because I eventually got bored of them. Some clients who have been following my moves since my first day as an escort called it a "re-branding" because I now market and work differently to the past. I get that it is the easiest way of putting it, but for me it was never a conscious, commercially focused effort I was making in order to attract different clients, but a simple reflection of my shifted values and preferences in life.

I started my escorting journey at the age of 21, and being in my mid 20's now, I have no desire or intention to work under a false age to attract clients who are age-sensitive when it comes to companions they see. This also includes acting "young and somewhat foolishly cute" on social media, so I look like a young girl than a young woman. The fact is I like being a woman. I act and think more mature than my age, but my appearance radiates with youthfulness and oozing sex appeal that you can only find in someone who is truly confident with her own skin. You will know what I am talking about when you meet me in person or already know what I am talking about (wink, wink).

I am aware some client(s) generated and spread a rumour that I retired to get married (I’m quite an anti-marriage as a matter of fact), which is completely false. The main REAL reason I left the industry is to focus on the primary goals that brought me to Australia in the first place. I decided to re-shift my focus back on my education by getting out of the comfortable, luxurious zone I was getting accustomed to and face the reality where I was pretty much nobody outside of my bedroom. I believe everyone needs self-inflicted hardship at some point in their lives in order to grow wiser and expand their views both horizontally and vertically. The last thing I wanted was to grow old to be one of those oblivious morons that live in sugar-coated bubbles.

It was obvious that my desire for self-improvement was simply far greater than my desire for Chanel at that stage of my life.

I have to say though, leaving everything behind and (trying) going back to pre-SW was one of the hardest thing I had to endure and eventually overcome mentally and perhaps, psychologically. From the sex goddess to a new grad who had nothing to show for, it was not easy at all. Just FYI, as a person who wasn’t interested in climbing the ladder by sleeping with the men in power, putting my advanced sexual skills down in writing on my resume could have been quite pointless. In case you are wondering ;)

So quite understandably, I doubted my decision to retire several times after I left the industry.

The one thing I missed the most was the closeness I felt with my clients, and the fact that I could be myself with them - the funny, energetic, and intelligent girl who can also fuck. This is why I came back for short period of time on several occasions after my retirement. I just needed to escape from the “real world” and find some comfort through the men I adore by doing and saying things that are deemed inappropriate in social and political standards with each other.

I have recently decided to come back as a full time escort because the job that I wished to be my career (that I worked so hard to get) wasn’t what I expected it to be, and I saw no point in pursing something that was causing me a great misery. The logical decision for me was to go back to escorting. Just like anything, it’s not perfect, but almost. To me, at least. There aren’t really many things you can’t like about escorting though I respect any views that disagree with mine. 

However, I will never regret my decision to move away from escorting the past years. I have achieved everything I set out for, and got to work in a dream career that I always wanted. I feel truly content and happy that I have that experiences. The financial stability that I could’ve had as a young girl, would have never given me this self-fulfilment and surety about myself, had I not opted for more challenging life. What didn’t kill me made me so much stronger than I could have imagined as a person. And you can’t buy this with any amount of money.

As I have made it public recently, I am about to start a part time course soon. I am not doing it to prepare for future career, but purely for fun. The area I am about to immerse myself into is something completely different from what I was doing or used to, and I am so very excited about it. 

I just want to use this space to thank all of my current clients for being so awesome in many ways. It means a lot to me that you are genuinely happy and proud of me for the direction that I am taking in my life. I have known some of you since I started escorting and I feel truly fortunate that we can share our life journey together and watch each other advance further in life. I couldn’t have achieved what I have achieved and wouldn’t be where I am now without your ♥️. Thank you so so much, and I look forward to creating more beautiful sexy memories this year ♥️

Talk soon.

Jessi the Sassy